he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
