Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
