She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She bit a glass in half.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
