okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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