Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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