I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
