My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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