When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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