I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
