Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
