I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
