he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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