I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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