My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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