My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think my vagina is haunted
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
