I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
