So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
