doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
