I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
