her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
