If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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