I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
