I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
