she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I still have a little drunk in my system
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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