I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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