I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
