I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
