What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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