I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
