Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Its about making memories worth repressing
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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