I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
