I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
