oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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