Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
