So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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