A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
