I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
