My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
