i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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