I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
