if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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