I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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