i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So much rum. So many feels.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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