Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
