so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
