i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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