Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
