You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
false alarm, still single
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
