grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
