Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
literally had 100 drinks last night.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
