I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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