nut hugger
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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