i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
