I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
