I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
