I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
