dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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